Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.


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Guy Talk

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother and little boy are sitting on carpet.  Little boy is putting on his shoes.

I can’t get my shoes on.  It hurts.” – Little Boy

Mother looks at shoes.

“They’re too small.  We’ll need to pick up some new ones this weekend.” – Mother

“We need to get some new underwear too.  I want to start wearing boxers.”- Little Boy

“Excuse me?  Boxers?  You mean boxer briefs?” – Mother

“Yeah.  I don’t want to wear underwear anymore.  I want to wear boxers.” – Little Boy

“Really?  Why?” – Mother

“I’m big now.  I’m the only one who lives here and still wears underwear.” – Little Boy

“I wear underwear.  I live here.” – Mother

“You’re a girl, Mom.  Girls wear underwear and men wear boxers.  I’m not a baby anymore.  It’s time.” – Little Boy

“You will always be my baby”.  – Mother

Mother kisses little boy on the head.

You mean no cartoon characters on your underwear anymore?” – Mother

“Well… maybe we can find some boxers with superheros on them.  That would still be cool, right? – Little Boy

“Yeah, it’s cool.  Maybe I could get some too?” – Mother

“Mom, don’t talk about wearing boxers.  It’s guy talk.” – Little Boy


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Because

This morning Little Boy asked me to pick him up and carry him in my arms.  While we were walking in the hallway of his school a parent asked, “Isn’t he too big to be carried like that?”  I looked at her and smiled, but said nothing.  I just kept walking with my eight year old boy in my arms.  Why did I carry my little son in my arms, when he is perfectly capable of walking by himself?  Because…

Because he asked me to.

Because I didn’t have anything else in my arms.

Because we weren’t late for school and had the time.

Because I am strong enough to still carry him.

Because I won’t always be strong enough to carry him.

Because one day he will stop asking me.

Because I realize how quickly children grow up, as I deal with Old Boy leaving for college soon.

Because it’s a loving gesture to hold someone close, as I deal with a father who is ill and I may not have as many times to hold him as I would like.

Because he is still a little boy and eight years old isn’t so big.

Because I don’t care if someone thinks I am enabling him.

Because I love my boy. Love that consumes me sometimes and I want to express it.

Because when I pick him up he puts his warm cheek next to mine and I remember why I love children so much.

Because it makes him happy…really happy.  He feels loved and cared for.

Because it makes me happy.

Because it makes both of us happy.

Because we can.


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The Center of The Universe

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother is cleaning the kitchen.  Mother looks at the kitchen table.

“Hey, who made the big mess on the kitchen table?” – Mother

Silence.  Mother glances in living room and sees little boy.

“Did you make the mess on the table?” – Mother

“Maybe.” – Little Boy

“What do you mean maybe?” – Mother

Mother walks over to kitchen table.

“These look like your pens and markers.  Someone has been drawing.” – Mother

Mother looks a one of the drawings.

“This has your name on it.  Did you draw it?” – Mother

“Maybe.” – Little Boy

Mother looks closely at the drawing.

“What is the drawing about?” – Mother

“It’s about our family.  First there was you and then daddy.  Then came my big brothers and then came me.” – Little Boy

“Oh.” – Mother

“You are the center of the universe.  You are beginning of it all.” – Little Boy

Mother smiles.

“I’m the center of the universe?  I’ll clean up the mess on the table.” – Mother

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The Joy

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother and little boy are walking in a store.

Momma,  I’m tired.  Would you carry me?” – Little Boy

“Aren’t you a little too big to be carried around?  You were fifty pounds the last time we weighed you.” – Mother

“Fifty pounds isn’t that heavy.  You work out. You’re strong.  You’re an ox, Momma.” – Little Boy

“An ox?  Thanks…I think.  I may be strong, but you are a big guy now.  You’re seven years old.” – Mother

“Seven isn’t that old.  I can’t drive a car or watch Harry Potter films.” – Little Boy

“I know you aren’t that old, but still won’t you feel strange having your mom carry you around in the store?” – Mother

“No.” – Little Boy

“No?  Really?” – Mother

“No.  When you carry me around I get to rest for a bit and I am closer to you.  It makes me happy.  What’s more important than making your son happy?” – Little Boy

Mother is silent for a moment.

“Come here.” – Mother

Mother picks up little boy in her arms.

See.  it’s not so bad, right?” – Little Boy

“My arms hurt.  You’re heavy.” – Mother

“The pain won’t last forever, Momma.  Someday you’ll miss being able to carry me around in your arms.” – Little Boy

The joy of a seven-year old boy.

 

 


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Between

A conversation between a husband and a wife.

“Sweetie, do you ever feel like something is between us?” – Wife

Yeah, sometimes.  But luckily it’s something small and I don’t feel it all the time.  Usually only at night.” – Husband

“Should we be worried?  I mean, what if this “something” never leaves?  Won’t it affect our relationship?” – Wife

“There’s no reason to worry.  It won’t be this way forever.  As a matter of fact someday we may actually miss it.” – Husband

“It hurts sometimes and keeps me up at night.  I miss being closer to you.” – Wife

“I miss you too.  The situation is only temporary.  Only a little while longer.” – Husband

“I suppose you’re right.  I won’t worry anymore.” – Wife

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Joy

A few days ago I ordered some Halloween items online.  Halloween is over, but I snagged a few things half off for next year.

When the package arrived Little Boy could not contain his excitement.  At first he was thrilled thinking the big box was a present for him, but after we emptied the box he realized it was the box itself that was the real present.

We have had the box for over a week and the fun continues.

Box1

Box2 Box3 Box4

The joy of a little boy and his big cardboard box.


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Priorities

A conversation between a mother, a father and a little boy.

Mother turns off stove.  Mother walks into family room and looks for family.  Little boy runs in the house from being outdoors.

“It’s time for dinner, Sweetie.  Where is everybody?” – Mother

“Move, Momma.  You’re in my way.” – Little Boy

Little boy pushes mother out of his way.

“Excuse me?  That’s not polite.” – Mother

Little boy opens door to garage and runs inside.  Mother walks over to garage door and opens it.  Mother looks inside garage and sees little boy.

Hey, I don’t appreciate you pushing me out-of-the-way.  It’s time for dinner, so please go wash your hands and get ready.  By the way, where is Dad?” – Mother

“Momma, how can you think of eating right now?  You need to get your priorities straight.” – Little Boy

“Since when is eating not a priority?” – Mother

“My leopard is on the roof.  That’s way more important than eating.” – Little Boy

“Says who?” – Mother

“Says everyone in the world.” – Little Boy

Little boy runs outside back door.  Mother follows little boy outside.  Mother sees father standing on ladder waving a large broom.

It’s time for dinner.” – Mother

“Not now.  We are trying to get the leopard  off the roof.” – Father

“I know, but can’t you do get him later.  It’s not a real leopard is it?” – Mother

“Of course not, but getting him off the roof is more important than eating right now.” – Father

“But dinner will get cold.” – Mother

“That’s why microwaves were invented…to heat up food.” – Father

“How long will it take?” – Mother

“A while.  I think I need to go on the roof.” – Father

“Me too, Dad.  It’s my leopard and he will need me for support.” – Little Boy

“What?  Both of you are going on the roof?  I don’t think that is a good idea.” – Mother

“We have to, Momma.  Little leopard might be scared.  We have to get him off.  Get your priorities straight.” – Little Boy

Stop saying that.  I have my priorities straight.  My priority is eating dinner and keeping my family safe.” – Mother

“We’ll be safe, dear.  We can eat later.  Can you go get the big ladder?”  – Father

“I guess so.” – Mother

Mother walks away toward garage.

“This is a perfect example of why cooking dinner for the family is huge waste of time and energy.” – Mother

“I heard that.” – Father (yells from outside)

“You were supposed to.” – Mother (yells from garage)