Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.


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Hmm…

Hmm…where to begin.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a blog post.  A few months ago when I was asked to renew my blog subscription, I questioned if I wanted to continue.  As I debated in my mind, I realized I did have more things to share and maybe another year of blogging would be a good thing.

Since I began my blog five years ago a lot has happened.  Creating the blog initially was an outlet for me to express my thoughts and feelings regarding midlife, motherhood and my transition from full-time home parent back to the workforce.  Well, I’m happy to say I made it through my “midlife something”, and am now fully immersed in my career.

For the last few years I have gone back to school to update my education, and have worked various jobs to update for resume and job related skills.  My plan worked, as I recently accepted a position that fully utilizes all the information I’ve learned, and has an unexpected bonus.  The job is located overseas in Italy.  It’s hard to believe, but my family and I will be moving over to Italy by the end of the year.

When I think back to where I was five years ago, I realize there were many things I needed to learn before accepting my current employment.  Originally, my blog was created as a result of not getting a job.  After not being selected, I knew I had work to do.  So I got busy. I went to school, started working, and began the process of getting up to speed in my career field.  It wasn’t easy. As a matter of fact, the last few years have been the most challenging times I have ever endured career-wise.  I’ve made many mistakes, but I’ve also taken some amazing risks. I’ve gone out of my comfort zone so many times that I no longer fear things I’ve never done before.  So much so, that I took a chance to apply for jobs that were only dreams for me.

What lies ahead for me is more challenges, but not the fear and doubt I once had.  Years ago I searched for my purpose, my meaning, my contribution to the world outside of being a wife and mother.  It took a while, but I found it.  I hope to use all my life experience to make a difference in children’s lives.

As I embark on an exciting adventure to Italy to live and work, I want to be able to share my experience.  I thought about changing the name of my blog several times to reflect the new direction of my life.  I still may do that in the future.  However, for now my three boys are home for the summer…eating, making messes, and lying around the house making me crazy.  My blog name seems the best fit my life right now.

Arrivederci, my friends.

 

 


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Period of Adjustment

Years ago when I started my blog I told myself I would express myself freely.   What that meant was expressing my thoughts about mothering and being in midlife without worrying what the reading public thought of me.

During the last two years I have written about almost every aspect of my life.  Most things have been humorous, but some have been personal and painful.  Writing my blog has allowed me a way to put to words my feelings dealing with emotions I am going through.

The blog has been a healing activity for me.  At times it’s been challenging to write my strong emotions in a way that doesn’t make readers think I’m nuts, but after writing a difficult blog I always felt better.

Lately I’ve had difficulty writing.  It’s not for lack of  things to say because I ALWAYS have something on my mind.  It’s because of my new job.  I’m now on someone else’s payroll and I feel the need to speak less about the personal life.  I feel as if I have a little person sitting on my shoulder whispering to me, “You shouldn’t say that.” or “Be careful.  Your words may be misinterpreted.”

It makes me sad limiting what I can say on my blog.  It feels restrictive and uncomfortable.  Being able to write freely has ‘freed’ me.  I often write about things I don’t have the courage to say in person.  I’ve felt healthier emotionally since I’ve started writing.  I’m nervous I will revert back to my old ways of being overly concerned what people think of me.

Maybe I’m worrying too much about what I write, but I don’t want to risk it.  I’d like to share about being out of the workforce for so long and adjusting to the changes. What I am going through is hard.  Seventeen years are a long time to be out of the professional workforce.  So much has changed.

Like anything new there will be challenges and adjustments.  It may take a while for me to decide what is okay to discuss on the blog and what is not.

However, I don’t think writing will be the same.  For over two years I expressed myself with a vulnerability I no longer feel able to do.

Maybe a little time is all I need.  Time to help me through this period of adjustment.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

 

 


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Blogoversary

Today is the day.  The two-year blogoversay for Insanity of Motherhood.  I’m making a quick return from spring break to celebrate with all of you.  Taking the week off for spring break was a good experience for me.  Many times I wanted to share things, but instead focused my energy on the family, friends and myself.  I amazed how much more free time I’ve had.

Two years ago launching a blog was last thing I ever thought I would do.  Suffering from a major ‘midlife something” I started the blog to share my voice.  I didn’t know what a blog was then or even how to begin.  Starting the blog was the first thing I have done with little or no training.  I struggled with each step:  creating the blog, writing, finding topics to discuss, and responding to feedback.  Each step in the process was difficult.

However, I survived and here I am two years later.  Last week I wondered if blogging was something I wanted to continue.  I even did a little research into “how to end a blog”.  It’s not that I have been unhappy with the blog, but at times I don’t like how eager I am for feedback and approval for each blog post.  A great lesson I’ve learned is how to let go of your ego and realize not everyone is going to like what you write or even care.  People have their own lives and it may not involve reading what you have to say.   That being said, some folks do like what I write and do care.  I am fortunate to have many people tell me how my blog has affected them over the last two years.  I can’t thank you enough for sharing you thoughts with me and for reading.

So what does one do after two years of blogging?  I am still trying to figure it out.  As flattering as it is to hear folks mention I should continue a career in writing I’m not convinced that it will be my future career path.  I need a back up plan.  One that will pay and allow for more social interaction.  Checked out a few things over the break career wise.  Heading back to school is a for sure.  You can’t be out of the marketplace for almost 20 years and expect your skills are up to date.

The blog has changed me.  Writing this blog has changed for the better.  It has challenged me well beyond anything I thought I was capable of.   Most of all it has released me of my fear.  Two years ago fear dominated my life:  fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of not being liked.  Living with so much fear was an exhausting way to live.  I no longer live my life with fear and feel lighter and happier.

Happy blogoversary to Insanity of Motherhood.  I signed up for another year to keep writing.  A lot can happen in a year, but I’m ready for it.  I hope you will be too.  Join my husband, Tall Boy, Old Boy, Little Boy, dog, fish, snake and of course me for another year of our crazy life together.

Cheers!


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White Elephant Week

The two-year blogoversary for Insanity of Motherhood is two weeks from today, April 1st 2013.  It’s hard to believe two years has flown by so quickly.  Well, maybe quickly isn’t the right word.

In order to celebrate this monumental occasion I’m declaring this week White Elephant week on the blog.  What?  You’ve never heard the term, “White Elephant” before?  What it means is I will be giving away wonderful, unopened, unused, unwanted gifts Monday through Friday this week.  Aren’t you excited?  You should be.  Wait untill you see that fabulous gifts I have for you.

1.  The complete third season of Kung Fu CD.  (Monday)

Sorry to say we don’t have seasons one or two, but who cares?  Who doesn’t love the old TV show, Kung-Fu?  Apparently, my family doesn’t as this CD has remained unopened for five years.

2.  All That Jazz CD (Tuesday)

This was a gift given to me because I love musicals.  However, I saw this movie many years ago and I didn’t like it.  Actor Roy Scheider plays legendary Bob Fosse in a story about his life.  Unopened and ready for a very special winner.

3.  Joyful Noise CD (Wednesday)

My boys bought this CD for me as a gift because I mentioned I liked Dolly Parton.  What I should have said was I like Dolly Parton the singer, not the actress.  All though I did love her in the movie 9 to 5.  If you are a Dolly fan this is the one you want to win.

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4.  Levis skirt (Thursday)

I bought this skirt years ago after I gave birth to Little Boy.  I never got around to wearing it.  It’s a size 8, but feels bigger because it is very stretchy.  It’s really cute, but too big.

5.  Cream Sheer Blouse (Friday)

I actually like this blouse, but have never worn it because it’s too sheer.  I have looked for a camisole to wear underneath, but have never found the right one.  It’s been sitting in my closet for months unworn.  Better to let one of my lucky readers win this top and get some use out of it.  It’s size medium.

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Are you wondering how you can win these special gifts?  It’s easy.  Just go to the Insanity of Motherhood Facebook page and press the like button if you haven’t already done so.  I will post a photo of a prize to be won each day.  Tell me why you think you deserve to win the gift and I will put your name into a hat.  At the end of each day one lucky winner will be chosen.  One prize per day.  Post on the day you want to win the prize.  If you’re not on Facebook, post a comment on today’s blog telling what gift you’d like and the reason.  I will add your name to the hat.

Why I am giving away these gifts and putting myself through all the agony of chosing a winner and mailing the gift?  Because I want to say thank you.  Thanks to each one of you who take time out of your busy lives to read my blog.  And because my family gave me a hard time for keeping these things unopened for so long.  It’s a win-win for both of us.

Happy White Elephant Week to all of you!  Thanks for being part of my journey.

Good Luck!


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Discover What You Want From Life

Yesterday I shared with you a suggestion a friend of mine gave to help me in my search for a new career.  You can check that blog out here.  Today I would like to share with you information that another friend gave to me about finding out what things you would like to do with your life.

Last week I had the opportunity to have lunch with a dear friend.  She is Old Boy’s former teacher and someone I admire very much.  She and I both volunteer at Little Boy’s school on the same day so we made plans after we both were finished for the day.

My friend is older than me and very wise.  I enjoy our talks when we get together.  She is someone who has had many life experiences and I appreciate her sharing what she has learned.  My friend follows my blog and has read it since it’s beginning.  She has thanked me several times for information I have posted on the blog and especially likes the book and website referrals.

One referral she enjoys is a wonderful blog called Chookoolinks, by Karen Walrond.  I did a book recommendation for Beauty of Different on a Wednesday Words of Wisdom post a while back.  My friend enjoys Karen’s blog and so do I.  She mentioned a course she was taking referred to her by the Chookoolinks blog.

We had a great conversation over lunch and later that day my friend sent me an email to saying how much she enjoyed our time together.  She also sent information from the blog Chookoolinks and thought I would find it interesting.  The blog post was called Finding Your Voice.  The blog’s author provides tips for creating a life that reflects your authentic self.  She describes steps to take to discover who you are and celebrate all that is unique about you.

Finding Your Voice gives great suggestions like stop comparing, practice seeing, name what lights you up (similar to the list I made yesterday), but the two things I liked most about her suggestions were to make a life list and journaling.  After reading the blog post I decided these two suggestions would be the most helpful in making things happen in my life.  I have written journals before and know they are helpful in sorting through ideas and feelings.  The life list is the creation of Maggie Mason and is basically a list of things one would like to do before they die.

I love the idea of a life list.  It’s a wonderful exercise to get thinking of what things I would like to experience for the second half of my life.  I may not be able to accomplish everything, but it’s fun to think about.

I decided to create my life list and share it with you.  The list must contain 100 things you would like to do before you die.

  1. Ride in a blimp.
  2. Travel to Chile.
  3. Touch an iceberg.
  4. Make a perfect pie crust.
  5. Take the boys to Ireland.
  6. Ride in a semi-trailer truck.
  7. Write a screenplay.
  8. Visit Boston.
  9. Re-learn cursive writing.
  10. Read one Harry Potter book.
  11. Host a talk show.
  12. Eat mussels in France.
  13. Learn sign language.
  14. Meditate for more than twenty minutes.
  15. Become a grandmother.
  16. Skydive.
  17. Take a comedy writing class.
  18. Swim with fish in the Great Barrier Reef.
  19. Get eyelash extensions.
  20. See Bette Midler in concert.
  21. Host a family reunion.
  22. Color my hair blond.
  23. Wear a leather mini-skirt.
  24. Visit India.
  25. Attend the Oscars.
  26. Renew my wedding vows in Hawaii.
  27. Learn to ride a motorcycle.
  28. Snow ski.
  29. Buy very expensive dress shoes.
  30. See the Grand Canyon.
  31. Work on a movie set.
  32. Fly on a trapeze.
  33. Live overseas for five years.
  34. Attend a fashion show in New York.
  35. Learn to make ceramic bowls.
  36. Visit Scandinavia.
  37. Ride a zipline.
  38. Go on a cruise.
  39. Learn to make tamales.
  40. Hire a professional makeup artist.
  41. Take swimming lessons.
  42. Teach parenting classes.
  43. Work for the Peace Corps.
  44. Donate my home to a family in need.
  45. Meet Maya Angelou.
  46. Open a home for troubled teenage girls.
  47. Scrapbook baby books for all three of my boys.
  48. Go to a Superbowl.
  49. Go to the Olympics.
  50. Take a photography class.
  51. Write an article for a magazine.
  52. Buy a motor home.
  53. Eat a hamburger in all fifty of the United States.
  54. Make perfect poached eggs.
  55. Master the Diablo.
  56. Hike in Yosemite.
  57. Kayak in the ocean.
  58. Get a fake spray tan.
  59. Play the tambourine in New Orléans.
  60. Read a book my brother or sisters wrote.
  61. Find a long-lost friend.
  62. Wear diamond earrings.
  63. Become a puppeteer.
  64. Be a guest on the Tonight Show.
  65. Visit the Smithsonian.
  66. Fly in a helicopter.
  67. Paint my toenails yellow.
  68. Ride a train across Canada.
  69. Wear cowboy boots.
  70. Own a cowboy hat.
  71. Spend a night on a yacht.
  72. Learn to Rollerblade backwards.
  73. Read an entire novel in one day.
  74. Show my boys how to play Chinese jump rope.
  75. Go out to dinner every day for a month.
  76. Learn to play poker.
  77. Ride a gondola in Venice.
  78. Get paid for making people laugh.
  79. Hire a gourmet chef.
  80. Host a prom-do-over party.
  81. Tour a brewery.
  82. Learn to tap dance.
  83. Take a ballroom dance class with my husband.
  84. Write 500 blog posts.
  85. Volunteer for the Red Cross
  86. Wear my hair in a up do.
  87. Learn all the words to ‘Busta Move’ and make a video singing the song.
  88. See Sweeney Todd on Broadway.
  89. Do motivational speaking.
  90. Attend an opera at the Sydney Opera House
  91. Try a Zumba class.
  92. Roast a prime rib.
  93. Peel an entire apple in one long curl.
  94. Re-learn a back walkover.
  95. Do 20 full body push ups in a row.
  96. Fly in a biplane.
  97. Drink a dirty martini.
  98. Sleep on a tropical beach.
  99. Watch one of my grandchildren be born.
  100. Celebrate my fifty year wedding anniversary.

Whew.  Writing the list is harder than it looks.  After about number 48 I started to run out of ideas.  I made a copy of this and posted it in my bedroom.  I plan to cross off the things I get done this year.

Creating this life list made me realize how much more living I have to do.  It isn’t about doing everything on the list, but discovering more about the world I am already in and making the most of it.  Who knows?  Maybe one of these items on the list will lead to a new career path.

I’m hopeful.  If not, I sure will make a lot of discoveries along the way.


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Insanity Instagram

Hi Everyone.  Just a quick note to tell you about a new feature on Insanity of Motherhood.   A few weeks ago a fellow blogger friend, Lynne, from the fabulous blog Free Penny Press started a new feature on her blog.  Lynne wanting to take break from writing poetry started posting photos with an Instagram Folder feature on her blog.  The Instagram Folder page features creative images taken from her Iphone.

I was so impressed by the Instagram feature on Free Penny Press I researched how to do something similar on my blog.  I have had an Instagram account for a while, but have never known how to post the photos on my blog.  With Lynne’s support I have created an Instagram feature for my blog.  It’s called Insanity Instagram and can be found in the menu section of my blog just below the header.

My hope with the new Instagram feature is to give you a glimpse of my life through my eyes.  I am participating in a month-long photo-a-day activity for the month of December.  That means I will be posting a new photo everyday.  Please take a moment to check out the new feature and see what is happening in the world of Insanity.

A big thank you to Lynne, at Free Penny Press.  I hope you will take time out to look at her work on Instagram, but also read the talented writings featured on her blog.


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Long Overdue

Becoming blogger has been a wonderful experience for me.  I have learned so much about writing and along the way have discovered many talented bloggers.  Each person who writes a blog has something different to offer its readers.  I am very fortunate to have a supportive group of bloggers who enjoy reading my blog.  Today I want to say thank you to several bloggers who have viewed my blog worthy of a blog nomination.  My gratitude toward each of them is long overdue.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Nominated from Laura Lamere.  Laura is a rocker mom, writer and former public relations executive.  She writes an interesting and informative blog about music education for children.  Laura is also the founder of Pavoh, a comprehensive website to help young musicians and the people who support them.

One Lovely Blog Award

Nominated from Melissa at the Mostyn-Thomas Journal.  Melissa is a mother, wife, journalist, editor, film-maker and visual arts practitioner.  She writes a unique and touching blog about her experience as parent to her daughter Isobel, who is diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  Melissa also writes about her experience as a parent who is deaf, raising a disabled child and non-disabled child.

 Liebster Award

Nominated from Teresa at Belly Button Blues.  Teresa is a mother,  wife, grandmother (seven grandsons) and writer.  She writes a charming, humor blog about her life with sharp wit and compassion.  Teresa is also the author of a book of short essays called Belly Button Blues.

Beautiful Blog Award

Nominated by Ute from Expats Since Birth.  Ute is a mother raising her multilingual children in a multicultural context.  She lives in the Netherlands with her husband and three children.  Ute writes a fascinating and educational blog about her experiences as an expat ( a person who is voluntarily absent from home or country), being a parent of twins and parenting.  Her blog is a wonderful parenting resource for parents of multilingual children.

Thank you to each of these amazing bloggers.  I am honored they have nominated Insanity of Motherhood for each of these awards.