Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.

Ten Things We Used to Do Before the Kids Arrived


A couple of nights ago, my husband and I went out on a date.  We had a wonderful time, dinner and movie.  The weather was warm and we enjoyed our meal outdoors.  As we ate we both commented on how we should be doing more things without the kids.  The meal was so enjoyable.  No fighting over who gets to sit where, no complaining about the lack of burgers on the menu and no threats to make someone eat or they will never eat out again.

During our dinner, my husband and I started talking about how different our lives were when it was just the two of us.  Happy times.  Mind you, we love our boys, but we sure did have fun before they arrived.

Thought I would share a little of our conversation.

Ten Things We Used to Do Before the Kids Arrived

1.  Sex

Sex is number one.  My husband I still have sex, but not the huge quantity we did before the kids.  Typical weekend day before kids:  wake up have sex, work out, shower, eat breakfast, run errands, lunch, sex, nap, do chores, out to dinner, sex, and sleep.  I have mentioned before, when we lived in  London many sights were not seen due to my husband and I’s need to have sex all the time.

2.  Watch TV

I do not watch TV anymore, but that was not always the case.  Back in the day, husband and I used to head up to Blockbuster and rent movies all the time.  The boys dominate the TV now.  We have Netflix and watch kid  horror films like Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked.

3.  Eat out.

I did not cook before kids.  I didn’t need to.  My husband and I ate out almost every night.  I cook now only because a family of five cannot afford to eat every meal away from home.  Eating out is my favorite thing to do, but not with three boys in tow.

4.  Sex

Wait, did I say this already?  I guess it bears repeating.  Sex after kids not only decreases in frequency, it also in confined to the bedroom.  No more wild romps in the family room or kitchen.  Teenagers are always lurking looking for food and one cannot risk and encounter.

5.  Work out together

My husband and I still work out, but I work out at home and he does so at his work gym.  We used to both belong to the same fitness club and work out together.  Nothing like working up a sweat, with your significant other.  Now I lift weights in the garage alone, listening to the laundry machine and being interrupted by boys.

6.  Travel

My husband and love to travel.  We did a bit of traveling before the kids.  Nowadays we spend most of our time visiting relatives (nothing wrong with that), but gone are the days of just hoping in the car and seeing where the road takes you.  Kids need planning for food, rest and entertainment.  Too much work sometimes.

7.  Read

I have a huge stack of books on my bedside table waiting to be read.  During the day, there is too much to do to find time to read and at night I am exhausted.  My husband puts the little guy to bed, by laying with him until he falls asleep.  He often comes in to our dark bedroom and finds me sleeping.  No time for him to read either.

8.  Hang out with friends

Our free time was more flexible before kids.  We could schedule things with friends and stick to the plans.  These days the boys have their own schedules that we must work around.  If we both want an evening out, we must be sure someone is available to watch the little guy.  A day out shopping with the girls, requires planning.

9.  Sex

Okay, one last mention of sex.  Sex before kids was loud.  I am sure my mother-in-law loves reading this.  Not only do we now stay in the bedroom, but we must stifle our noises.  In the summer, our windows are wide open and our bedroom is right next to the teenagers.  We do not want to scar our boys for life, by having them hear their parents shout out in ecstasy.  So we stay quiet.

10.  Go on dates

This is the reason we started our conversation.  My husband and I used to go out on dates all the time.  We went to movies, out to dinner, to museums, visiting with friends, and all sorts of fun stuff.  We still date, but not often.  Dates now get mentioned on Facebook because they are such a rare occurrence.  Sigh.

I did mention my husband and I love being parents, right?  We love our boys.  It is just…well, things were different before they arrived.

Only thirteen more years until the last boy leaves our home.

Sure hope we are still alive by then.



Author: insanityofmotherhood

Mom of three boys, wife, educator, and all around nice gal in the middle of a midlife something. It's not a crisis, but it's something…

12 thoughts on “Ten Things We Used to Do Before the Kids Arrived

  1. A few big changes there – you guys really had the life.
    Nice of you to be sensitive and not spook the kids.
    Oh well, at least you dont need your alarm clock.

  2. You will survive. And you will find the time for each other again as the house empties out and the children move on to their own lives. Sex might not be as important, but then, it depends on the couple. But time, now that is vital. Sometimes, I see older couples just sitting together watching the world go by. I used to wonder why they were even there if they had nothing to talk about. However, as my husband and I reach that stage in life, we find those long silences comfortable, peaceful, and filled with love. We don’t have to talk, we understand each other with a look, gesture, or expression. After 41 years together, from the ages of 16 and 19 to the ages of 57 and 60, we have come to understand each other as much as men and women can understand each other. I like be old with him. I am looking forward to being even older. We can take care of each other, complain about our ills, and simply watch the world go by if we want to.

  3. Let’s hope you don’t have kids who live at home into their 40’s.

  4. I have been a mother since I left home at 18. There has never been a time in my life where I didn’t have to answer to someone. To be free to just drive and see where the road takes me, no preparation required, sounds like an alien concept to me. I have about 10 yrs before I would leave my youngest alone overnight or for a few nights. I wonder what adventures I will have with my Hubby then??? Great post! Sounds like you need to send your tribe to family or friends for a night or two!! 😉

    • My husband and I do need a weekend alone. We do not have family in town and three boys is a lot to ask a friend to care for. However, we can try to get more time alone though. Even for an evening.

      • Maybe they each have a friend who would let them have a sleep over, or the older one to a friend of theirs and the two younger ones to a friend of yours. Just for a night or two. Give chance to see if your vocal styling still reaches the heavens hahaha 😉

      • Ha, ha! My husband and I feel like we are the teenagers, with the parents in the next room instead of the other way around. Being silent is not easy sometimes! Like your idea, will give it a shot. 🙂

  5. That list fits me too. I mean now if we are going to have sex together, we have to wait for the 3 kids to be asleep. Then we have to lock the door. By this time we are so tired, we both just want to go to sleep…lol

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