Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.

Suffering Needlessly

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Georgia O'Keeffe, Ram's Head White Hollyhock a...

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“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life – and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.” – Georgia O’Keeffe

Yesterday, I suffered a mini-meltdown.  It has been a while since I have allowed my emotions to overtake me.  Looking back, I can see I was cause of my misery.

The last week was one of the biggest weeks ever for my blog. I published six blogs.  Most of them got a big response.  One blog was republished.

All though the blog seemed to be going well, I also experienced some setbacks.

A few days ago, a friend of mine sent me an email.

“Hey Nate…hate to do this…but I just noticed that the word Insanity, (in the title) is spelled wrong on your blog….I’ve been reading your blog for how long?…and this is the first time I noticed.”

The title of my blog misspelled.  Did you notice it?  Well, I certainly did not.  My family did not notice either.  But I am sure all the great spellers and editors of the world did.

The news of my misspelling sent me spiraling down emotionally.  I was embarrassed, but thanked my friend endlessly for telling me.  I called my husband right away to discuss the issue.

“You will not believe what just happened.  I have been informed my blog title is misspelled.  Oh God.  Can you imagine what people must think?  I can’t even spell the title correctly?” – Me (hysterical)

“Really?  Well, I never noticed.  I am sure most of your readers did not notice either.  It is no big deal.  Just fix it.  Good of your friend to tell you.” – Husband (calm)

“Of course I will fix it, but this is terrible.  I work so hard on editing and I did not even notice the title.  I am such a dork.  You have to promise to tell me if you read my blog and see any errors.  Promise me okay?” – Me (frantic)

“Of course.” – Husband (peacefully)

I have been married to my husband for a long time, but he failed to see how upsetting the misspelling was.  My greatest fear had been brought to life.  Okay, not my greatest fear, but close.

After six months of writing a daily blog, I now identity my self as a writer.  As you may recall, this was not always the case.  Early on writing this blog  I  claimed I was not a writer…blah, blah, blah.

My writing has improved, but spelling and grammar have a way to go.  Someone identifying my weakness was very hard.

The next day, my husband phoned to tell me he found three errors in my latest blog.  I did not take the news well.

“Hi Honey, I found three errors on  your blog today.” – Husband (informing)

“What?  Oh no!  I worked so hard to edit today’s blog.  I thought for sure I got all the errors.” – Me (emotional)

“No problem Honey.  Okay, here they are.  Are you ready?” – Husband (directing)

“This is terrible.  Why am I even writing this blog?  People reading must think, Who does she think she is?  She is writing a blog and can’t even edit properly.  I am so stupid.  I can’t talk right now.   I will call you back later, okay?  Me (sobbing)

Obviously, I over reacted to the news of the errors.  The thing is, over and over, friends have told me to not worry about the spelling and grammar.  They have told me it is the content that matters.  But I know the truth.  When you write, everything matters…especially the correct spelling of the words.

My oldest son walked into the kitchen during my emotional breakdown.  I was sobbing.

“Mom, what’s wrong?  Why are you crying?” – Old Boy

“It’s nothing.  I am just feeling emotional today.” – Me (crying)

“Come on Mom.  Tell me what’s wrong.” – Old Boy

“Well, Dad just phoned to tell me I have three errors on the blog I published today.  I can’t write.  Why am I even doing the blog?  Do you think less of me because I can’t spell?” – Me (still crying)

“Mom, you are a writer and a good one.  Why do you think writers have editors?  No one writes perfect all the time.  You like writing the blog, right?  Besides, do you think less of me because I can’t catch a baseball?” – Old Boy

I looked at my son.  I stopped crying.  I gave him a big hug and smiled.

I realized I had caused myself a great deal of pain.  I created my suffering and sadness.  No one else, who really knows me, focuses on the errors of my blog.

Writing this blog is the scariest thing I have ever done.  I expose my weakness everyday.  My spelling will improve and so will my grammar.  I can write this blog, even if it is terrifying.

Author: insanityofmotherhood

Mom of three boys, wife, educator, and all around nice gal in the middle of a midlife something. It's not a crisis, but it's something…

9 thoughts on “Suffering Needlessly

  1. We are so invested emtionally in our own words. Our words are US. We want them to be perfect. Last week I spelled “wear” as “where”,and I felt sick all day. Dumb overreaction. Let’s be nicer to ourselves.

  2. OMG!!!! Nate!

    Old Boy…is 100% correct; even Dickens had an editor!

    Your writing is heartfelt, funny, thoughtful and thought provoking. I, for one, love your blog.. and would sincerely miss it if you stopped or slowed down. (no pressure at all 🙂

  3. You have been through more terrifying things! The blog is supposed to be “insane” so don’t stress. My mom was a english teacher, I read all the time and never noticed. Nobody on the internet spells or has their grammar correct. Keep on writing!

  4. Nate….I never noticed the error in the title at all…..I just noticed that I really love reading your blogs, and how you can get across in your writing how many of us are feeling. I love how free you are with your stories. So, keep on writing my friend.

  5. Pingback: Getting Personal | INSANITY OF MOTHERHOOD motherhood midlife madness

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