Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.

I Don’t Know, All Right?


“The decisions you make about your work life are especially important, since most people spend more of their waking lives working than doing anything else. Your choices will affect, not only yourself and those closest to you, but in some way the whole world.”  –  Laurence G. Boldt

There comes a time in your life when you realize, this may be it. I have come to conclusion that I may stay the person I am, doing exactly what I am doing.  Yup.  Me, home with kids, and writing a blog.

I cannot keep explaining to people what I do for a living.  I have been doing it for too long.  For some reason people do not get it.  I am a full-time parent.  My job is take care of the family, home and pets.  That is it.  I do not have another job.  I do not have immediate plans to work outside the home.

The older my kids get, the more questions about the next thing in my life.  Now that the boys are some what independent, it must seem silly for me to sit around the house all day with them.  I do not sit.  The only time I sit is to write my blog and eat.  I do not watch TV.  I simply do all the things one must do to care for a family.

Recently at my son’s birthday party, I was confronted with questions about what I was going to do with my life.

“So, are you back at work yet?” – Party Mom

“No.  I am still at home taking care of the boys full-time.” – Me

“Oh.  Well, do you have plans to go back to work soon?” – Party Mom

“Um…I guess so.  But not for a while.  I want to wait till the little guy heads to kindergarten, before I work outside the home.” – Me

“But you do plan to work someday, don’t you? – Party Mom

“Of course I do.  But  I need to get the boys settled first.” – Me

The moment I uttered the words about returning to work, I knew I was in trouble.  I had no idea what I meant when I said, ‘get the boys settled’.  What does that even mean?  The boys are settled.  Am I using them as an excuse for not jump starting a new career?

The truth is I don’t know what is next.  For some reason I have taken the phrase, ‘live in the moment’, to a new extreme.  I am trying lots of new things, but do I have a plan? No.  It used to make me nuts, now it just makes other people nuts.  Friends, family and acquaintances just cannot seem to grasp that I don’t know what is next for me.

“So you are finishing up school next year right?  Are you planning to teach or become a Director again?” – Friend.

“I do not know yet.  I am waiting to see what happens.  I am not sure about working in Early Childhood Education.  I may want to do something different.” – Me

“Something else?  Like what?  Why are you going to school to become an educator, if you are not going to teach? – Friend

“I want to be up to date on my education skills.   I feel I must do something, but I do not have an idea of what?  Not yet.” – Me

My poor friend.  She seemed genuinely confused.  She is a very successful career person and a mom.  I know she has never once not had a plan for her career and her family.  She knows where she is going and always gets there.  The thought of me wandering aimlessly without any type of concrete plan is hard for her to grasp.

Don’t get me wrong.   I value the work I do caring for my boys.  I am not looking for anyone to compliment me on my parenting or commend me for my choice to care for the kids full-time.  My choice to be with the boys, is my choice.  I am happy with it.  Maybe a little too happy, according to some people.

“Does you husband want you to go back to work?’ – Mom of a friend

“I am sure he would like it at some point, but he does not pressure me.” – Me

“He must make a lot of money, so you don’t need to worry about things financially.” – Mom of a friend

“No.  I mean, he does have a good job, but we do worry about things financially.  We struggle like other families struggle.” – Me

“Then why aren’t you working?” – Mom of a friend.


Well, I blew it.  Or what I should say is I blew up.  I just could not take it anymore.  My friend’s mom looked at me very bewildered.  I apologized to her.  I am sure she is convinced staying home with the kids is making me nuts.   Being home all day with the boys does made me crazy, but it is the questions of who I will be next I find hard.

Maybe I will find something else to call a new ‘career’.  But what if I don’t?  Will it be okay?  When the little guy heads out to school full-time the pressure will be on.  More and more people will ask, “What do you doing for a living?”  I may not have an answer.  But if I do, you’ll be the first to know.

Author: insanityofmotherhood

Mom of three boys, wife, educator, and all around nice gal in the middle of a midlife something. It's not a crisis, but it's something…

2 thoughts on “I Don’t Know, All Right?

  1. You do not owe anyone any explanation for the decisions you make for you and your family. I think most people who make ignorant commentaries on your life choices are probably deep down very envious that you are a great wife and mother and have a happy life. I know I really like what I do but if I never had to work another day in my life that would be fantastic. You do not owe any explanations or defenses for being a wife and mother

    • Thanks Doreen. We live in a very goal driven society these days. I have goals, but they are not easy to measure by today’s standards. I am happy with my life choices. I only wish everyone else could say the same thing.

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