Insanity of Motherhood

Motherhood, marriage, and midlife.

The Birds and the Bees


“Sex education may be a good idea in schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.”- Bill Cosby

The school year is finishing up and I for one am glad.  I know the big boys are happy too.  Just around the corner are days of sleeping in late(r), the beach, trips, and lots of hanging out.  Why it makes me smile typing the very words of summer.  But the school year is not over yet.  We have the kids spring exhibition this week and who can forget the ever important sex education classes.  Sex education classes?

I am very familiar with the school calendar, so I asked the boys if Sex Ed had been taught this year.

“Hey boys, have you had your Sex Ed classes yet?” – Mom

“Not us.  And hopefully we won’t ever have it.” – Tall Boy

“Oh, you are going to have Sex Ed buddy.  They usually teach it at the end of the year, just to make the kids crazy.” – Old Boy

“Well, I am not going to the class….no way!  We had it in fifth grade and it was the worst.” – Tall Boy

“You better be prepared.  It’s worse in sixth grade.  The teachers go into a lot more details about stuff.” – Old Boy

“Details?  What do you mean…details like what?” – Mom

“Well, you know stuff about relationships, being ready for sex, birth control.  You know, stuff like that.” – Old Boy.

“Birth control?  Oh, Jeez.  Did they talk birth control for men and women or just women?” – Mom

“They talked about birth control for men, Mom.  Jeez, guys have sex too.” – Old Boy

“Thank you for the lovely reminder, boys have sex. I think I figured that part out.  Did they talk about condoms?  Did they show different types of birth control?  Have you ever seen a condom?” – Mom

“MOM!!!” – Tall Boy and Old Boy.

“What?  This is an important conversation.  We have talked about sex plenty of times before.  I want you boys to feel comfortable about talking to me about these things.  By the way, if you need to look at a condom, Dad has some at home.” – Mom

“Oh, God!  Mom, we not want to hear about you and Dad.  Come on!  And I do not want to see a condom.  Please get me out of here.” – Tall Boy

“You know my mother did not say one word about the ‘birds and the bees”.  I had to learn everything from my friends.” – Mom

“I always knew Grandma was a smart lady.  I do not want to talk about this with you Mom, at least not driving in the car to school.  Let’s end this conversation…now…please!” – Old Boy

Huh, that did not go well.  I mean, I was just trying to let the boys know I was there for them.  I realize sex is not easy conversation for a mother and sons to have, but better safe than sorry, right?  I want them to bring questions and concerns to me instead of their friends.  When I was young I always wished my Mom had taken a little more time to explain how the whole sex thing worked.  I had Sex Ed in sixth grade, but  it only covered a  bit about the female time of the month and showed some side views of male and female parts.  Which by the way, were VERY interesting.  Sex Ed did not answer the question I wanted answered, so I asked my teacher.

“Mrs. Shell?  I was wondering.  What does it feel like to have sex?  It must feel good right?  Otherwise, why would anyone do it? – Me ( a young inquisitive sixth grader)

“Well…um…that is an interesting question.  I, uh, well I mean….it does not really matter what it feels like when you are love.” – Mrs. Shell  (a very conservative, shocked, bewildered and a red faced teacher)

I let the conversation about Sex Ed end for now.  They will be having their classes in a few days  I am sure the agony of talking with mom about sex, will be replaced with the torture of hearing their nice teachers talk about it.   If the boys ever have questions about anything I’ll be ready…even how it feels to have sex.  I’ll just make sure when it comes to the mechanics, to direct them to my in-house expert…my husband.

Author: insanityofmotherhood

Mom of three boys, wife, educator, and all around nice gal in the middle of a midlife something. It's not a crisis, but it's something…

5 thoughts on “The Birds and the Bees

  1. The kids at the school I’ve been subbing at have been coming up to me with the weirdest facts and questions recently because of this sex ed stuff! “Miss alyssa, did you know when you are pregnant, the baby is in your uterus? It just looks like it is in your stomach.” “Miss Alyssa, am I going to have boobs soon? They look uncomfortable.” “Did you know the cervix is near the vaginal?” Yeah, she said vaginal. Guess she does need homework! Oh, and I wont even get into the stories I have about what the teachers say in the lunch room about the sex ed classes.

  2. Holy cow Mellisa! My boys are very reluctant to say but few words about the topic of sex, but not your students. I hope you were able to take in all in stride like Mrs. Shell!

  3. Now that I think about it, these remarks have been mostly from girls…. poor boys just need to get over the shock of it all!

  4. Jay said that middle school sex ed was almost exactly the same as 5th grade sex ed, even played the same film. I said “Oh, I forgot to look at the parent info sheet on the curriculum at the front desk” and Jay said “That’s ok, I checked it out for you”.

    Funnily enough driving is always where most of our conversations happen. Usually during really heavy traffic where I can’t think straight. I think they do it on purpose so I can’t look at them!

  5. I read somewhere once that car rides are the best place to talk with teens. They can hear you, but do not have to make eye contact. Sounds like you already knew that!

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