Tag Archives: Humor

Carry On

A conversation between a wife and a husband.

Wife walks into kitchen.   Husband is sitting at kitchen table reading the newspaper.

“Why is the sugar bowl on the counter? – Wife

“I guess somebody used sugar this morning.” – Husband

“Well, somebody leaves the sugar bowl on the counter almost everyday. They also leave a dirty spoon and sprinkle sugar everywhere.” – Wife

“Yes, somebody does.  I don’t put sugar in my coffee and the boys don’t use sugar.” – Husband

“What do you mean?” – Wife

“I mean somebody uses sugar in her coffee every morning, leaves out the sugar bowl, leaves a dirty spoon, and sprinkles sugar everywhere.” – Husband

“Oh.  I see.  You don’t put sugar in your coffee?” – Wife

“No.” – Husband

“Okay.” – Wife

“That’s all you have to say?” – Husband

“Carry on folks.  Mystery solved.” – Wife

“And…” – Husband

“Sorry.” – Wife (Sigh)

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Between

A conversation between a husband and a wife.

“Sweetie, do you ever feel like something is between us?” – Wife

Yeah, sometimes.  But luckily it’s something small and I don’t feel it all the time.  Usually only at night.” – Husband

“Should we be worried?  I mean, what if this “something” never leaves?  Won’t it affect our relationship?” – Wife

“There’s no reason to worry.  It won’t be this way forever.  As a matter of fact someday we may actually miss it.” – Husband

“It hurts sometimes and keeps me up at night.  I miss being closer to you.” – Wife

“I miss you too.  The situation is only temporary.  Only a little while longer.” – Husband

“I suppose you’re right.  I won’t worry anymore.” – Wife

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Joy

A few days ago I ordered some Halloween items online.  Halloween is over, but I snagged a few things half off for next year.

When the package arrived Little Boy could not contain his excitement.  At first he was thrilled thinking the big box was a present for him, but after we emptied the box he realized it was the box itself that was the real present.

We have had the box for over a week and the fun continues.

Box1

Box2 Box3 Box4

The joy of a little boy and his big cardboard box.

What’s Happening Down There?

A conversation between a wife and a husband.

Wife walks into kitchen and grabs her purse.  Wife calls to husband.

“Honey, are you ready to go?  I’m hungry and the boys are already in the car.” – Wife

Husband walks into kitchen.  Wife looks at husband.  Wife looks down at husband’s feet.

“What’s this?” – Wife

Wife points to husband’s feet.

“What’s happening down there?  Why are you wearing those?”- Wife

“What do you mean?  I’m wearing shoes.  You have to wear shoes when you go out to eat at a restaurant don’t you?” – Husband

“Yes, you do need to wear shoes.  But those aren’t shoes those are thongs.” – Wife

“We live in San Diego.  What’s wrong with wearing thongs?” – Husband

First of all it’s not summer anymore.  It’s Fall.  Second of all it’s raining and third and most importantly you shouldn’t be wearing those thongs ever.” – Wife

“What’s wrong with these thongs?” – Husband

“What’s wrong? You took them out of the trash in a garage and you’re asking what’s wrong?” – Wife

“Hey yeah.  Why did you put them in the trash?  They’re still good.” – Husband

Wife raises eyebrows at husband.

“Really?  They’re still good?  I don’t think so.  I will wait for you while you go get some shoes on.” – Wife

“Come on.  They aren’t so bad.” – Husband

Wife scowls.

“It isn’t that cold out.  No one will notice my feet anyway.” – Husband

Wife frowns.

“I think the rain stopped.” – Husband

“I’ll wait.” – Wife

Husband sighs.

“Okay.” – Husband

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Wonderful Boy

A conversation between a mother, a father and a teenage boy.

Father walks into kitchen where mother is.

Honey,  we’re out of toilet paper.  I’m going to run to the store right now.” – Father

“I thought you were putting the little guy to bed?” – Mother

“We need toilet paper right away.  Do you want to have to go to the bathroom without toilet paper?” – Father

“No.  I guess you are right.  Okay, I’ll put the little guy down.  Let me see if one of the big boys will finish unloading the dishwasher.” – Mother

Mother walks down the hall to the big boys’ room.  Mother sees teenage boy lying on his bed.

“Dad is going to run an errand and I need to put the little guy down for bed.  Would you please finish cleaning the kitchen?” – Mother

What?  Why do I have to do it?” – Tall Boy

“I just told you why.  I’m putting your brother down for bed and dad is running an errand.  Everything is almost done.  I need you to finish putting the dishes away from the dishwasher.  Okay?” – Mother

Tall Boy groans.

“Come on.  It’s not a big deal.  Please help out.” – Mother

“Okay.” – Tall Boy

“Thank you.  You’re a wonderful boy.” – Mother

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I’m Not Ready

 

A conversation between a mother, a father and a teenage boy.

Mother walks into house.  Mother puts down purse and computer.  Mother greets family.

Hi everyone.  How is it going?” – Mother

“Good.  How was your day?” – Father

“The usual…brutal.” – Mother (smirks)

Mother looks over at boy on the couch.

Hey buddy.  How are things in the land of high school?” – Mother

“Fine.  Not sure if I like the new Spanish teacher, but other that it’s pretty good.”- Teenage Boy

“How are the girls in high school?  How’s the love life going?” – Mother

“Good actually.” – Teenage Boy

“What?  What do you mean “good actually”? – Mother

I mean good.” – Teenage Boy

“Good meaning you like someone or someone likes you?” – Mother

“Both.” – Teenage Boy

“Care to provide a bit more information, Sherlock?” – Mother

“No.  My private life is private.” – Teenage Boy

“Since when?  Do you have classes with her?  Is she smart?  Is she nice?  What does she look like?” – Mother

“See.  This is why I didn’t want you to know.  You’re going to ask tons of questions.” - Teenage Boy

“No, I won’t.  Just a few questions.  I have a right to know about the girl trying to snag my son.” – Mother

“Geez.  Okay.  She’s in my class.  She told some mutual friends she likes me.  I went up to her and started talking to her.  Now we both like each other.  She is cute, really smart and nice.  End of story.” -  Teenage Boy

“End of story?  What does that mean?  Come on just a few more details.  What’s her name?  Does she have any siblings?  How old is she?  Did she go to your middle school?  Where does she live?  You know you can’t date until you are 17 right?  Only group dates for now.  Have you held her hand?  What does it mean when you both say you “like” each other?  How does this liking each other thing work?” – Mother

“I’m leaving.  This conversation is over.” – Teenage Boy

Teenage boy walks away from mother.

Wait.  Come back.  I want to know what’s going on.  I have rights…” – Mother

“Sweetie, let it go.  Let him go.” – Father

“But…” – Mother

“It’s happening.  There’s nothing we can do about it.  It’s part of life.  You went through it and so did I.” – Father

“I’m…I’m…I’m not ready for a relationship.  Just yesterday I was pushing him a stroller at the zoo.  Now he has a liking thing with a girl.  Sigh.” – Mother

“The stroller thing at the zoo was a while ago.  Besides at least he didn’t mention they were having sex yet.” – Father

“Ahhh.   Don’t say that.” – Mother

Priorities

A conversation between a mother, a father and a little boy.

Mother turns off stove.  Mother walks into family room and looks for family.  Little boy runs in the house from being outdoors.

“It’s time for dinner, Sweetie.  Where is everybody?” – Mother

“Move, Momma.  You’re in my way.” – Little Boy

Little boy pushes mother out of his way.

“Excuse me?  That’s not polite.” – Mother

Little boy opens door to garage and runs inside.  Mother walks over to garage door and opens it.  Mother looks inside garage and sees little boy.

Hey, I don’t appreciate you pushing me out-of-the-way.  It’s time for dinner, so please go wash your hands and get ready.  By the way, where is Dad?” – Mother

“Momma, how can you think of eating right now?  You need to get your priorities straight.” – Little Boy

“Since when is eating not a priority?” – Mother

“My leopard is on the roof.  That’s way more important than eating.” – Little Boy

“Says who?” – Mother

“Says everyone in the world.” – Little Boy

Little boy runs outside back door.  Mother follows little boy outside.  Mother sees father standing on ladder waving a large broom.

It’s time for dinner.” – Mother

“Not now.  We are trying to get the leopard  off the roof.” – Father

“I know, but can’t you do get him later.  It’s not a real leopard is it?” – Mother

“Of course not, but getting him off the roof is more important than eating right now.” – Father

“But dinner will get cold.” – Mother

“That’s why microwaves were invented…to heat up food.” – Father

“How long will it take?” – Mother

“A while.  I think I need to go on the roof.” – Father

“Me too, Dad.  It’s my leopard and he will need me for support.” – Little Boy

“What?  Both of you are going on the roof?  I don’t think that is a good idea.” – Mother

“We have to, Momma.  Little leopard might be scared.  We have to get him off.  Get your priorities straight.” – Little Boy

Stop saying that.  I have my priorities straight.  My priority is eating dinner and keeping my family safe.” – Mother

“We’ll be safe, dear.  We can eat later.  Can you go get the big ladder?”  - Father

“I guess so.” – Mother

Mother walks away toward garage.

“This is a perfect example of why cooking dinner for the family is huge waste of time and energy.” – Mother

“I heard that.” – Father (yells from outside)

“You were supposed to.” – Mother (yells from garage)