Guy Talk

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother and little boy are sitting on carpet.  Little boy is putting on his shoes.

I can’t get my shoes on.  It hurts.” – Little Boy

Mother looks at shoes.

“They’re too small.  We’ll need to pick up some new ones this weekend.” – Mother

“We need to get some new underwear too.  I want to start wearing boxers.”- Little Boy

“Excuse me?  Boxers?  You mean boxer briefs?” – Mother

“Yeah.  I don’t want to wear underwear anymore.  I want to wear boxers.” – Little Boy

“Really?  Why?” – Mother

“I’m big now.  I’m the only one who lives here and still wears underwear.” – Little Boy

“I wear underwear.  I live here.” – Mother

“You’re a girl, Mom.  Girls wear underwear and men wear boxers.  I’m not a baby anymore.  It’s time.” – Little Boy

“You will always be my baby”.  – Mother

Mother kisses little boy on the head.

You mean no cartoon characters on your underwear anymore?” – Mother

“Well… maybe we can find some boxers with superheros on them.  That would still be cool, right? – Little Boy

“Yeah, it’s cool.  Maybe I could get some too?” – Mother

“Mom, don’t talk about wearing boxers.  It’s guy talk.” – Little Boy

Because

This morning Little Boy asked me to pick him up and carry him in my arms.  While we were walking in the hallway of his school a parent asked, “Isn’t he too big to be carried like that?”  I looked at her and smiled, but said nothing.  I just kept walking with my eight year old boy in my arms.  Why did I carry my little son in my arms, when he is perfectly capable of walking by himself?  Because…

Because he asked me to.

Because I didn’t have anything else in my arms.

Because we weren’t late for school and had the time.

Because I am strong enough to still carry him.

Because I won’t always be strong enough to carry him.

Because one day he will stop asking me.

Because I realize how quickly children grow up, as I deal with Old Boy leaving for college soon.

Because it’s a loving gesture to hold someone close, as I deal with a father who is ill and I may not have as many times to hold him as I would like.

Because he is still a little boy and eight years old isn’t so big.

Because I don’t care if someone thinks I am enabling him.

Because I love my boy. Love that consumes me sometimes and I want to express it.

Because when I pick him up he puts his warm cheek next to mine and I remember why I love children so much.

Because it makes him happy…really happy.  He feels loved and cared for.

Because it makes me happy.

Because it makes both of us happy.

Because we can.

The Center of The Universe

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother is cleaning the kitchen.  Mother looks at the kitchen table.

“Hey, who made the big mess on the kitchen table?” – Mother

Silence.  Mother glances in living room and sees little boy.

“Did you make the mess on the table?” – Mother

“Maybe.” – Little Boy

“What do you mean maybe?” – Mother

Mother walks over to kitchen table.

“These look like your pens and markers.  Someone has been drawing.” – Mother

Mother looks a one of the drawings.

“This has your name on it.  Did you draw it?” – Mother

“Maybe.” – Little Boy

Mother looks closely at the drawing.

“What is the drawing about?” – Mother

“It’s about our family.  First there was you and then daddy.  Then came my big brothers and then came me.” – Little Boy

“Oh.” – Mother

“You are the center of the universe.  You are beginning of it all.” – Little Boy

Mother smiles.

“I’m the center of the universe?  I’ll clean up the mess on the table.” – Mother

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The Joy

A conversation between a mother and a little boy.

Mother and little boy are walking in a store.

Momma,  I’m tired.  Would you carry me?” – Little Boy

“Aren’t you a little too big to be carried around?  You were fifty pounds the last time we weighed you.” – Mother

“Fifty pounds isn’t that heavy.  You work out. You’re strong.  You’re an ox, Momma.” – Little Boy

“An ox?  Thanks…I think.  I may be strong, but you are a big guy now.  You’re seven years old.” – Mother

“Seven isn’t that old.  I can’t drive a car or watch Harry Potter films.” – Little Boy

“I know you aren’t that old, but still won’t you feel strange having your mom carry you around in the store?” – Mother

“No.” – Little Boy

“No?  Really?” – Mother

“No.  When you carry me around I get to rest for a bit and I am closer to you.  It makes me happy.  What’s more important than making your son happy?” – Little Boy

Mother is silent for a moment.

“Come here.” – Mother

Mother picks up little boy in her arms.

See.  it’s not so bad, right?” – Little Boy

“My arms hurt.  You’re heavy.” – Mother

“The pain won’t last forever, Momma.  Someday you’ll miss being able to carry me around in your arms.” – Little Boy

The joy of a seven-year old boy.

 

 

Joy

A few days ago I ordered some Halloween items online.  Halloween is over, but I snagged a few things half off for next year.

When the package arrived Little Boy could not contain his excitement.  At first he was thrilled thinking the big box was a present for him, but after we emptied the box he realized it was the box itself that was the real present.

We have had the box for over a week and the fun continues.

Box1

Box2 Box3 Box4

The joy of a little boy and his big cardboard box.

Have You Ever Noticed?

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of things unique to being a mom.  Things that frankly never seem to happen if there aren’t kids living in the house.  Here are just a few examples of what I mean.

Have you ever noticed when you say it’s time for dinner someone needs to go to the bathroom and you end up waiting a half hour for their return?

Have you ever noticed when you purchase a new snack food it will get eaten even though three other snack food bags are already open?

Have you ever noticed when you tell you teenager they need to clean their room they tell you their head hurts?

Have ever noticed the dog is sound asleep until you decide you climb into bed and then suddenly they need to use the bathroom?

Have you ever noticed if you don’t lock the door to your bedroom someone will come in without knocking?

Have you ever noticed if a child has something disgusting going on (pimples, diarrhea, barfing) the person they call for is mom?

Have you ever noticed when a child wants to ask you to drive them somewhere they suddenly start putting away dishes?

Have you ever noticed when you get a little extra cash something breaks shortly afterwards?

Have you ever noticed when you open a book to read everyone wants to sit next you and snuggle?

Have you ever noticed when you decide to get romantic with your spouse someone small can’t sleep alone because the monsters under their bed are too loud?

Have you ever noticed how when you cook a kid-friendly meal like pizza, pasta or burgers you receive the ‘best mom’ award, but when you cook fish your title gets removed and stomped on?

Have you ever noticed when your child is looking for something and asks for help they stop looking once you agree to look?

Have you ever noticed if you ask your spouse to cook dinner there are no vegetables served?

Have you ever noticed how if you have multiple children there is always one child who hates the restaurant you chose for dinner?

Have you ever noticed when there is work to be done around the house the children seem to vanish?

Have you ever noticed the twist tie to the bread bag is always missing?

Have you ever noticed when your on the phone the doorbell rings, dog starts barking, kids start yelling, spouse goes missing, and you end up sounding like a lunatic screaming “I am on the phone!”

Sheer Insanity

A conversation between a mother, two teenagers and a little boy.

Mother and three boys are in car.  Mother is driving.

Momma, I have apple in my teeth.  I can’t get it out.” – Little Boy

“Sweetie, I am driving.  Try to scrape it out with your fingernail.” – Mom

“I tried already.  I can’t get it out.  Do something.  Wahhh.” – Little Boy

“I can’t help you.  We will be home soon and I will get some floss for you.” – Mom

“Wahhh.   It hurts.  I don’t like having it in my teeth.” – Little Boy

Mother’s cell phone begins to ring.

“Oh, I bet that’s the glass place calling.  They are supposed to install the bathroom mirror today and said they would call when they are on their way.  Will you please go in my purse and answer the phone?” – Mom (looks at Tall Boy)

Tall Boy takes out ringing cell phone from purse.

Hello.  No, we are not interested.” – Tall Boy

“Who was that?” – Mom

“I don’t know.” – Tall Boy

“What did they say?  Was it the glass place?” – Mom

“Maybe.  They wanted to talk to you.” – Tall Boy

“Why didn’t you talk to them?  Why did you hang up so quickly?” – Mom

“I don’t know the guy.  Why would I talk to him?” – Tall Boy

“Are you kidding me?  I asked you to answer the phone for me.  That means engage in a conversation to find out what the caller needs.  You need to call the glass place back.  Please call them back and ask if they are coming to install the mirror.” – Mom

“I don’t want to call them back.” – Tall Boy

“Momma, my tooth hurts.  I can’t get the apple out.  Wahhh.” – Little Boy

“Would you please see if you can help your little brother get the apple out of his teeth?” – Mom (looks at Old Boy)

“Gross.  I don’t want to do that.  He needs to get it out himself.” – Old Boy

Cell phone rings.

Oh.  That’s the glass place.  Get the phone.  Answer the phone please.” – Mom (looks at Tall Boy)

“I don’t want to get the phone.  You talk to the glass guy.” – Tall Boy

“I can’t talk to him.  I’m driving.  Just ask if they are coming over to the house.” – Mom

Phone continues to ring.  Mother hands phone to Tall Boy.

“I don’t want to answer the phone.  Make him do it.” – Tall Boy (looks at Old Boy)

“I thought I was getting apple out of his teeth.  I’m not answering the phone” – Old Boy ( looks at Little Boy)

Cell phone continues to ring.

Stop arguing.  Someone needs to talk to the glass place.” – Mom

Cell phone rings again.

“Somebody answer the f@%$&*% phone!  Forget it.  I’m pulling over.” – Mom

Mom pulls car over to the side of the road.  Mother talks on phone.  Mother pulls away from curb and begins to drive home.

Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone.” – Tall Boy

“Me too.” – Old Boy

“Momma, I got the apple out of my teeth.  I’m okay now.  You said an ugly word.  You owe me a quarter.” – Little Boy