Motherhood has been full of surprises. The amount of yelling I do as a mom, was a surprise. The lack of food in my house when the boys turned into teens, was a surprise. However, the biggest surprise is the things I say to my boys. I cannot believe the stuff that flies out of my mouth sometimes.
Ten things I Never Thought I Would Say to My Kids.
1. Go away.
I always envisioned spending time with my kids. However, sometimes I get sick of them. I tell them leave me alone.
2. Knock it off.
My husband says this more than I, but we both say it. Kids do stupid stuff. Sometimes they need to be told to stop.
3. Move your big butt.
No one in my family has a big butt, but sure feels good telling them they do.
4. You stink.
The boys stink. End of story.
5. Eat your french fries or no dessert.
I have said this ridiculous statement hundreds of times. Usually they are not eating and I want them to eat something. French fries are better than nothing right?
6. What planet are you from?
Honestly, I do not know where the kids pick up their strange behaviors. Mars or Saturn?
7. You can have ice cream for breakfast.
I have said this more than once. Milk and sugar…what is not to like?
8. Stop being a jerk.
This is not very nice, but if the shoe fits.
9. What is all this crap?
My boys have so much crap. It gets out of control sometimes, so I let them know.
10. Stop talking.
I say this everyday. In my house someone is always talking. I can’t take it. They don’t listen, but I tell them anyway.
I guess I am out of the running for ’Best Mom of the Year’ award after confessing to saying all this, right?
Ah, well. I still have my day job.
Wait. Being a mom is my day job.
I am screwed.