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The other day, my husband and I had a conversation.  It was about my career, or should I say lack of career.  I have put in applications for employment, but have not gotten results.  My impatience was getting the best of me, so I complained.

“I heard back from the parent support job.  They are not interested.  How can they reject me?  They don’t even know me.  At least get to know me before you reject me.” – Me

“Nate, come on.  Hundreds of people apply for the same job.  They select people who look good on paper.  It has nothing to do with you personally.  If they met you, they would hire you.” – Husband

“Uh huh.  Are you sure about that?  I don’t even know what jobs to apply for.  I keep changing my mind about what I want to do.  I am wasting my time.” – Me

“Why are you applying for jobs?  I thought you wanted to be available for the little guy when he enters kindergarten this fall.  Didn’t you say you wanted to volunteer?” – Husband.

“Well, yes.  I did say I wanted to be available.  I do want to volunteer at school.  I just…” – Me

Suddenly, I realized something.  I was applying for jobs I was not interested in.  I wondered why I would do such a thing.  I was applying for full-time work.  Work that required a lot of time and effort.

I thought for a moment and answered my husband’s question.

“I guess I want to know I still got it.  I would like to know if people, other than my family and friends, think I am capable of doing fabulous things.” – Me

“Oh.  Are you unhappy with taking care of the home and boys?” – Husband

“No, I  like my job.  It’s just…so many people do so much more than I.  Sometimes I feel like I am slacking, that I should be doing more.” – Me

“If you are happy, why mess with it?  So many people are not happy with their job.  You like yours.  Unless you know what you want to do, stop applying for jobs.” – Husband

“You know, you are right.  Why am I applying for jobs, when I don’t  know what I want?  It’s silly.  From now on, I will only apply for things I am interested in and enjoy things as they are.” – Me

So, that is my new decision.  Keep the status quo, unless something happens to change my mind otherwise.

Who knows what will happen?

Maybe this will be the best decision I have made in a long time.

Just maybe.