“ A person who has been programmed against “feeling sorry for myself” will generally fight the natural urge to be compassionate with themselves, and will probably treat themselves in the same way as(and sometimes worse than) they were treated by whoever taught them this belief. And many others who have been programmed with this belief will rebel against it despite the belief…. and this comes out in complaining, and seeking acknowledgement and sympathy from others. It can also fester and become agression, resentment… and of course a variety of other symptoms.
That person will take much longer to heal (if they do at all) than someone who feels sorry for themselves until they feel better.” – Illusions
There seems to be a new trend going on these days. People are not allowed to feel sorry for themselves. It took a while for me to notice, but it is happening. No one seems feel comfortable around someone who is not happy.
Feeling sorry for yourself has become very unpopular. A recent telephone conversation with a friend revealed how unpopular it is.
“Hi Fran (fake name). I spoke with Eartha ( fake name) and she told me she got layed off. Can you believe it? Poor thing, To think she just lost her home last year and now is out of work. My heart just breaks for her.” – Me
“Oh, she will be alright. At least she does not have children to worry about. The best thing is for her to pick herself up and get moving. I have some great motivational tapes for her to listen to.”- Fran.
“Um, well…I think I will take her out to lunch. She probably can’t afford to do that anymore.” – Me
After I finished the conversation, I realized that Fran did not want to hear about Eartha’s misery. She could not have changed the topic quicker. I tried to steer our conversation back to concern and compassion, but to no avail. Fran was determined not to wallow in our friend’s misery.
This type of conversation is happening more and more these days. If someone starts to feel sorry for themselves, other people turn into motivational speakers. Suddenly everyone starts spurting out all sorts of motivational quotes.
Things happen for a reason.
It will all work out in the end.
It is, what it is.
No use crying over spilled milk.
You have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps.
If it was ment to be, it will happen.
Just don’t think about it.
It could be a lot worse.
There is nothing you can do, so make the best of it.
Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of time.
It wasn’t ment to be.
At least you have your __________.
Come on. Things aren’t so bad.
My mother was one of those people who did not wallow. And if you were having a down day, she was not the person to call.
“Hi Mom. My boyfriend and I broke up. I am so bummed.” – Me
“Boyfriend? What number is this guy? Please, my husband left me with five kids to raise by myself. You don’t hear me crying do you? There will another guy soon enough. Pull your self together.” – Mom
What ever my situation was, my mother’s was always worse. She did not like to hear how I was feeling sorry for myself. I guess she could never see the logic. As long as I had good health, loving friends, and a supporting family, why should I feel sorry myself?
Sure, that all makes logical sense. But feeling sorry for yourself is not logical. I, for one, think it is perfectly fine to dwell on the negative now and then. Some things are pretty darn sad. It does not always have to make sense to other people. What bums me out, may not bother other people at all.
I have some people who I talk to about all the funny, positive things in my life. And I have others, who will accept my state of sadness or disappointment, without trying to change it. To be honest, the people who let me have my ‘feeling sorry for myself days’, are the ones I am closest to. When I am with them, I am heard. When someone listens to my disappointment, without trying to become a cheerleader, it makes me feel supported. Feeling supported is what gets me motivated to snap out of it. Not someone saying a bunch of silly quotes.
Feeling sorry for yourself all the time is not healthy, but once in a while is perfectly fine. Sometimes life is hard. If you feel bad, you should not have to apologize for it. Hopefully, feeling down will only last for a little while. Just be sure to thank the person, who was willing to listen.